All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
