I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
