You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
