I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
