we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
BRING THE BAGELS
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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