hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Michael Bay diarrhea
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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