think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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