Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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