"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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