I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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