I'm pants shitting drunk right now
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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