It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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