He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
