even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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