grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
