that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
