I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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