Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
