You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
