i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
