Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
