Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The air taste purple.
Randomize
