I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
