i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
