i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
