My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
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