That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just forgot I was standing up.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
