Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
