I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
