I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my phone needs a breathalizer
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
