i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
