For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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