why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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