Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
