I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
