I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You need a sexual gate keeper
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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