I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
