omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
