wrigley field is MILF paradise
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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