So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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