No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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