Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
