i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
