Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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