She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
