Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
