i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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