Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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