Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
