Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
