woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
